funny quotes about animals

Hawkeye: I wonder who persuaded her to be that.



Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. ~George R. Kirkpatrick



What a pity that the only way to heaven is in a hearse. ~Stanislaw J. Lec



Seventy-five percent of our planet is water - can you swim? ~Author Unknown



When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. ~Peter Drucker



Time is a brisk wind, for each hour it brings something new... but who can understand and measure its sharp breath, its mystery and its design? ~Paracelsus



You are sad because they abandon you and you have not fallen. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless. ~Honore de Balzac



Pessimism is an excuse for not trying and a guarantee to a personal failure. ~Bill Clinton



When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874



Baseball and football are very different games. In a way, both of them are easy. Football is easy if you're crazy as hell. Baseball is easy if you've got patience. They'd both be easier for me if I were a little more crazy - and a little more patient. ~Bo Jackson



Medicine is the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. ~James Bryce, 1914



He talked about Father Junipero Serra's qualifications for sainthood: they say he cured a nun's lupus. A miracle. Now I'm not a doctor, but I know lupus goes into remission. It's not always fatal. Have Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder play ping-pong together. That's a miracle. ~Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle, 2 February 1989



When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell



A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. ~Bob Hope



Good, honest, hardheaded character is a function of the home. If the proper seed is sown there and properly nourished for a few years, it will not be easy for that plant to be uprooted. ~George A. Dorsey



A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. ~Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1893



Between a quarter and a third of Los Angeles's land area is now monopolized by the automobile and its needs - by freeways, highways, garages, gas stations, car lots, parking lots. And all of it is blanketed with anonymity and foul air. ~Alistair Cooke



With people of only moderate ability modesty is mere honesty; but with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy. ~Arthur Schopenhauer



All bicycles weigh fifty pounds. A thirty-pound bicycle needs a twenty-pound lock. A forty-pound bicycle needs a ten-pound lock. A fifty-pound bicycle doesn't need a lock. ~Author Unknown