really funny quotes

I may be justifying my pockets of chaos, but I will always choose people over perfection and the heart over task and tidy. ~Betsy Canas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com



Tears are the silent language of grief. ~Voltaire, A Philosophical Dictionary



All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"



The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself within ancient limits. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne



Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. ~Reba McEntire



Choices are the hinges of destiny. ~Attributed to both Edwin Markham and Pythagoras



Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



The indifference, callousness and contempt that so many people exhibit toward animals is evil first because it results in great suffering in animals, and second because it results in an incalculably great impoverishment of the human spirit. All education should be directed toward the refinement of the individual's sensibilities in relation not only to one's fellow humans everywhere, but to all things whatsoever. ~Ashley Montague



In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty. ~Christopher Morley



Players: A vital part of any sporting event, they entertain the crowd in the intervals between timeouts so the cheerleaders can take a well-earned break. ~Author Unknown



I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do. ~Willa Cather, 1913



Our morality seems to be only a check on the ultimate domination of force, just as our politeness is a check on the impulse of every pig to put his feet in the trough. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.



Love worketh no ill to his neighbour; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. ~Romans 13:10



We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder



The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there. ~Monica Baldwin



The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian The difference between intelligence and education is this: intelligence will make you a good living. ~Charles F. Kettering



I mean, what do you do in Las Vegas? You gamble - and you go to strip clubs. ~Scott Caan



The Virgin Mary was an unwed teenage mother. ~Author Unknown



Buy what thou hast no Need of and ere long thou shalt sell thy Necessaries. ~Benjamin Franklin