funny soccer quotes

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. ~Henry Louis Mencken, A Little Book in C Major, 1916



I hire tea by the tea bag. ~Martin Amis, on renting the essentials of life after breaking up with a lover, Money: A Suicide Note (Thanks to bartleby.com for verifying the details of the source.)



I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves. ~John Wayne



A man needs self-acceptance or he can't live with himself; he needs self-criticism or others can't live with him. ~James A. Pike



Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~Roger Caras



Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use. ~Mark Twain



What a place to be in is an old library! It seems as though all the souls of all the writers that have bequeathed their labours to these Bodleians were reposing here as in some dormitory, or middle state. I do not want to handle, to profane the leaves, their winding-sheets. I could as soon dislodge a shade. I seem to inhale learning, walking amid their foliage; and the odor of their old moth-scented coverings is fragrant as the first bloom of the sciential apples which grew amid the happy orchard. ~Charles Lamb, Essays of Elia



The thoughts that come often unsought, and, as it were, drop into the mind, are commonly the most valuable of any we have. ~John Locke, 16 May 1699



It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. ~Balzac, Physiologie du mariage, 1829



Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. ~Kin Hubbard



I prefer liberty with danger to peace with slavery. ~Author Unknown



The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. ~Albert Einstein, "Atomic War or Peace," Atlantic Monthly, November 1945



Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella. ~Terri Guillemets



Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke



It's weird that photographers spend years or even a whole lifetime, trying to capture moments that added together, don't even amount to a couple of hours. ~James Lalropui Keivom



As the most participatory form of mass speech yet developed, the Internet deserves the highest protection from government intrusion. ~Stewart Dalzell As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. ~Woody Allen



Homecoming means coming home to what is in your heart. ~Author Unknown



The self-appointed spokesmen for God incline to shout; He, Himself, speaks only in whispers. ~Martin H. Fischer



Never, never, never give up. ~Winston Churchill



I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out. ~Lee Grant

happy birthday quotes for grandma

Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby. ~George Herbert



After all, facts are facts, and although we may quote one to another with a chuckle the words of the Wise Statesman, "Lies - damned lies - and statistics," still there are some easy figures the simplest must understand, and the astutest cannot wriggle out of. ~Leonard Courtney, speech, August 1895, New York, "To My Fellow-Disciples at Saratoga Springs," printed in The National Review (London, 1895) (Thanks, Mark)



Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. ~Sam Ewing



How can you put on a meaningful drama when, every fifteen minutes, proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? ~Rod Serling, quoted in Submitted for Your Approval, Public Broadcasting Station, 1995



It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. ~Dave Barry



History, in general, only informs us what bad government is. ~Thomas Jefferson



In a world flagrant with the failures of civilization, what is there particularly immortal about our own? ~G.K. Chesterton



As a nation we have lost our sense of tragedy, a recognition that bad things happen to good people. A nation that expects the government to prevent churches from burning, to control the price of bread or gasoline, to secure every job, and to find some villain for every dramatic accident, risks an even larger loss of life and liberty. ~William A. Niskanen, "For a Less Responsive Government," Cato Policy Report, 1996



Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself. ~Author Unknown Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself. ~Author Unknown



When I go biking, I repeat a mantra of the day's sensations: bright sun, blue sky, warm breeze, blue jay's call, ice melting and so on. This helps me transcend the traffic, ignore the clamorings of work, leave all the mind theaters behind and focus on nature instead. I still must abide by the rules of the road, of biking, of gravity. But I am mentally far away from civilization. The world is breaking someone else's heart. ~Diane Ackerman



Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. ~Henry Louis Mencken



Tea! thou soft, thou sober, sage, and venerable liquid,... thou female tongue-running, smile-smoothing, heart-opening, wind-tippling cordial, to whose glorious insipidity I owe the happiest moment of my life, let me fall prostrate. ~Colley Cibber, Lady's Last Stake



God forbid that I should go to any Heaven in which there are no horses. ~R.B. Cunninghame Graham, letter to Theodore Roosevelt, 1917



People are always asking about the good old days. I say, why don't you say the good now days? ~Robert M. Young



In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued. ~Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909



Psychology keeps trying to vindicate human nature. History keeps undermining the effort. ~Mason Cooley



The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~Marcus Aurelius



Quotation mark: either of a pair of punctuation marks used primarily to mark the beginning and end of a passage attributed to another and repeated word for word, but also to indicate meanings or glosses and to indicate the unusual or dubious status of a word. They appear in the form of double quotation marks (") and single quotation marks ('). In the USA, single quotation marks are usually reserved for setting off a quotation within another quotation. Double quotation marks may also be referred to as: double quotes, double marks, literal marks, dirks, double glitches, rabbit ears, double commas, feet, goose eyes, citation marks, goose feet, high commas, and little paws. Quotation marks also look different in different areas of the world, including varying combinations of forward and backward marks, upper and lower quotemarks (� �), angled quotation marks (� �), quotation dashes (?), square quote marks (Asian), and angled quotation marks with a space, with or without the quoted text formatted in italics.



I make serious coffee - so strong it wakes up the neighbors. ~Author Unknown



The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect. ~Esther Dyson

quotes on trust in a relationship

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. ~Norm Crosby



I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. ~Author Unknown



Every writer I know has trouble writing. ~Joseph Heller



The first thing to learn in intercourse with others is noninterference with their own peculiar ways of being happy, provided those ways do not assume to interfere by violence with ours. ~William James



A full heart has room for everything and an empty heart has room for nothing. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias. ~James McNeill Whistler My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate. ~Thornton Wilder



No good opera plot can be sensible:... people do not sing when they are feeling sensible. ~W.H. Auden, Time, 29 December 1961 No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody. ~Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982



As we struggle to make sense of things, life looks on in repose. ~Author Unknown



The dying process begins the minute we are born, but it accelerates during dinner parties. ~Carol Matthau



Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves. ~Larry King



Our society's values are being corrupted by advertising's insistence on the equation: Youth equals popularity, popularity equals success, success equals happiness. ~John Fisher, The Plot to Make You Buy, 1968



One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. ~Oscar Wilde, L'Envoi to Rose-leaf and Apple-leaf, 1882



If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough. ~VP Pappy



The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved. ~J. Russel Lynes



Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it. ~Author Unknown



Trees outstrip most people in the extent and depth of their work for the public good. ~Sara Ebenreck, American Forests



Woman's virtue is man's greatest invention. ~Cornelia Otis Skinner, attributed



When I free my body from its clothes, from all their buttons, belts, and laces, it seems to me that my soul takes a deeper, freer breath. ~August Strindberg



Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon. ~Matt Groening, The Simpsons, spoken by the character Lisa Simpson

birthday quotes for grandma

It ain't nothin' till I call it. ~Bill Klem, umpire



Strikeouts are boring - besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls. More democratic. ~From the movie Bull Durham



I could prove God statistically. Take the human body alone - the chances that all the functions of an individual would just happen is a statistical monstrosity. ~George Gallup I could smell myself awake with that coffee. ~Jaesse Tyler



Light, God's eldest daughter... ~Thomas Fuller



Talk doesn't cook rice. ~Chinese Proverb



He gave the world another world. ~George Santayana



Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



My heaviness comes from the heights. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



To him in whom love dwells, the whole world is but one family. ~Buddha



Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. ~Proverbs 27:1



To get something done a committee should consist of no more than three people, two of whom are absent. ~Robert Copeland



Sweat silently. Let's have no squawking about a little expenditure of energy. ~Martin H. Fischer



Eat, drink and be scary. ~Author Unknown



It takes more strength of character to withstand good fortune than bad. ~La Rochefoucauld, Reflections, 1665



The artist does not see things as they are, but as he is. ~Alfred Tonnelle



He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for. ~Moroccan Proverb



A lively and lasting sense of filial duty is more effectually impressed on the mind of a son or daughter by reading King Lear, than by all the dry volumes of ethics, and divinity, that ever were written. ~Thomas Jefferson



Those who are brutally honest are seldom so with themselves. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966



Souls wouldn't wear suits and ties, they'd wear blue jeans and sit cross-legged with a glass of red wine. ~Carrie Latet



I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down. ~Allen H. Neuharth

stanza in a poem

Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention. ~Ian Hay



No good neurotic finds it difficult to be both opinionated and indecisive. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the eight-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the eight-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean, there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation, so when I meet someone who's an eight-color type I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!" ~John Mayer



Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth



It is the flag just as much of the man who was naturalized yesterday as of the men whose people have been here many generations. ~Henry Cabot Lodge



Religion enables us to ignore nothingness and get on with the jobs of life. ~John Updike, Self-Consciousness, 1989



We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. ~Fulton Oursler



Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort. ~Abba Eban



We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. ~Martin L. Gross, A Call for Revolution, 1993



'Tis midnight now. The bend and broken moon,



One must be poor to know the luxury of giving! ~George Eliot



Waste not the smallest thing created, for grains of sand make mountains, and atomies infinity. Waste not the smallest time in imbecile infirmity, for well thou knowest that seconds form eternity. ~E. Knight



Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand. ~Martin Fowler



Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. ~Shana Alexander



When you're attracted to someone it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously, so what we know as fate is two neuroses knowing that they're a perfect match. ~Jeff Arch, Nora Ephron, and David S. Ward, Sleepless in Seattle



If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. ~Vincent Van Gogh



To me, being an American means feeling safe. ~Currielene Armstrong



Leash: n, a means by which animals, formerly running wild, are prevented from running tame, also. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



Everyone has a photographic memory, but not everyone has film. ~Author Unknown



There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

friends forever quotes funny

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. ~David H. Comins



One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. ~George Archer



Small children are convinced that ponies deserve to see the inside of the house. ~Maya Patel



Unity to be real must stand the severest strain without breaking. ~Mahatma Gandhi



Small children disturb your sleep, big children your life. ~Yiddish Proverb



Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude. ~Maurice Baring



Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue. ~Hermione Gingold



Silence never won rights. They are not handed down from above; they are forced by pressures from below. ~Roger Baldwin



The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson



Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years with time off for good behavior? ~James Donovan



History being the record of human action is a richly variegated material, and it is not easy to give a true impression of the stuff by snipping off an inch or two for a pattern. ~Cicely Veronica Wedgwood, Truth and Opinion



I know every book of mine by its smell, and I have but to put my nose between the pages to be reminded of all sorts of things. ~George Robert Gissing



There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown



Some people have a foolish way of not minding, or pretending not to mind, what they eat. For my part, I mind my belly very studiously, and very carefully; for I look upon it, that he who does not mind his belly will hardly mind anything else. ~Samuel Johnson



Advertisements are now so numerous that they are very negligently perused, and it is therefore become necessary to gain attention by magnificence of promises and by eloquence sometimes sublime and sometimes pathetick. ~Samuel Johnson



The great thought, the great concern, the great anxiety of men is to restrict, as much as possible, the limits of their own responsibility. ~Giosue Borsi



Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. ~John Keats



For then shalt thou lift up thy face without spot; yea, thou shalt be stedfast, and shalt not fear: Because thou shalt forget thy misery, and remember it as waters that pass away: And thine age shall be clearer than the noonday; thou shalt shine forth, thou shalt be as the morning. ~Job 11:15-17



History shows that there is nothing so easy to enslave and nothing so hard to emancipate as ignorance, hence it becomes the double enemy of civilization. By its servility it is the prey of tyranny, and by its credulity it is the foe of enlightenment. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays



You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. ~Mary Manin Morrissey

taylor swift quotes wallpaper

You have it in your power to turn a bad-beat around simply by realizing this simple truth: The more bad beats you encounter, the luckier you are. It's a sign that you are playing against opponents who continually take the worst of it, and if you can't beat someone who always takes the worst of it, you can't beat anyone. ~Lou Krieger



Time is the longest distance between two places. ~Tennessee Williams



There's nothing like sitting back and talking to your cows. ~Russell Crowe



How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~Christy Whitehead



They were allowed to stay there on one condition, and that is that they didn't eat of the tree of knowledge. That has been the condition of the Christian church from then until now. They haven't eaten as yet, as a rule they do not. ~Clarence Darrow



A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. ~Aesop, Fables



If you can't write your idea on the back of my calling card, you don't have a clear idea. ~David Belasco If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older. ~Tom Stoppard



Hockey is murder on ice. ~Jim Murray



Music begins to atrophy when it departs too far from the dance. ~Ezra Pound



The qualities which caused him to be acclaimed the leader, he possessed when he was teaching school, and splitting rails, and reading law in a judge's musty office. From the beginning he was a man among men who always upheld the right, advocated justice for the oppressed, and a square deal for all. ~Frank Dorrance Hopley



The movie The Graduate was talking about that moment in time when you have this world of possibilities, all these expectations, and you don't know who it is you're supposed to be. And you choose this one path, Mrs. Robinson, and it turns out to be bleak, but it's part of your initiation, your trial by fire. And then, by choosing the wrong path, you find your way onto the right path, but you've created this mess. Fight Club is the Nineties inverse of that: a guy who does not have a world of possibilities in front of him, he has no possibilities, he literally cannot imagine a way to change his life. ~David Fincher, director of Fight Club, interview with Gavin Smith, "Inside Out," Film Comment, Sep/Oct 1999



Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without. ~Confucius



There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea. ~Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady



In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer



It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. ~Robert Fuoss



The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! ~Edward Payson Powell



God forbid that India should ever take to industrialism after the manner of the west... keeping the world in chains. If our nation took to similar economic exploitation, it would strip the world bare like locusts. ~Mahatma Gandhi



There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court. ~Clarence Darrow, 1936



Macho doesn't prove mucho. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor



Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

dark love poems

Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants, and to serve them one's self? ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



He who loves the bristle of bayonets only sees in the glitter what beforehand he feels in his heart. It is avarice and hatred; it is that quivering lip, that cold, hating eye, which built magazines and powder-houses. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



No man is free who is not a master of himself. ~Epictetus



Never is a long, long word, but it's less frustrating than "God knows when." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966



Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. ~Albert Einstein



Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain



Some folks never exaggerate - they just remember big. ~Attributed to both Audrey Snead and Chi Chi Rodriguez



Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers. ~Lewis Mumford, The Brown Decades



Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole. ~Judy Carter



The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain



Journalism is organized gossip. ~Edward Egglestone



Frugality may be termed the daughter of Prudence, the sister of Temperance, and the parent of Liberty. ~Samuel Johnson



You are what you eat. For example, if you eat garlic you're apt to be a hermit. ~Franklin P. Jones



One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. ~Carl Jung One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. ~Carl Jung



The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Dorothy Nevill



The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it. ~Elaine Agather



Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. ~Chinese Proverb



He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. ~George Herbert



If he is comic, it is only because of the incongruity of so demure a look and so wild a heart. ~Alan Devoe



An investor without investment objectives is like a traveler without a destination. ~Ralph Seger

short funny quotes about friendship

By common consent gray hairs are a crown of glory; the only object of respect that can never excite envy. ~George Bancroft



There are the waves and there is the wind, seen and unseen forces. Everyone has these same elements in their lives, the seen and unseen, karma and free will. ~Kuan Yin



The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun. ~Ralph Nader



Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable. ~Kenyan Proverb



People meeting for the first time suddenly relax if they find they both have cats. And plunge into anecdote. ~Charlotte Gray



Freedom is that instant between when someone tells you to do something and when you decide how to respond. ~Jeffrey Borenstein



Psychology keeps trying to vindicate human nature. History keeps undermining the effort. ~Mason Cooley



Tens of thousands who could never afford to own, feed and stable a horse, had by this bright invention enjoyed the swiftness of motion which is perhaps the most fascinating feature of material life. ~Frances Willard, How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle



Men - and I don't mean to generalize - are crap. They're the human race's only failed gender. Who needs them? And why are they so difficult to keep hold of? Do you think they realize, that were it not for the genetic imperative to populate the earth, they wouldn't get a date? That's one hell of an inducement: no pressure, girls, but shag one of these or it's curtains for all humankind! That's harassment. But do you know what? Do you know what's even more crap than men? We are more crap than men.... These magazines! A hundred pages of "men are useless bastards," and an article about why you should wake him up with a blow job. Am I alone in spotting the inconsistency here? ~Coupling, "Split," original airdate 23 September 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Susan



A man's home may be his castle on the outside; inside, it is more often his nursery. ~Clare Booth Luce



Women are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do. ~Ellen Glasgow



Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast. ~James Bramston, Man of Taste



No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. ~Frederick G. Banting



Our distrust is very expensive. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~Milton Berle



Bad language is a stage all children go through, and it dies with time when they learn they're not attracting attention with it. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 9, spoken by the character Atticus



Poets are mysterious, but a poet when all is said is not much more mysterious than a banker. ~Allen Tate



The mother's heart is the child's school-room. ~Henry Ward Beecher



Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. ~Margaret Meade



There is much to support the view that it is clothes that wear us and not we them; we may make them take the mould of arm or breast, but they would mould our hearts, our brains, our tongues to their liking. ~Virginia Woolf